


Sirius' Fears of Fatherhood

by atharriordan_archived



Series: Harry Potter: Children of the Marauders [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, F/M, Family, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Godfather Remus, Marauders, Multi, Newborn Children, Pre-Sirius in Azkaban, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:16:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3291680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atharriordan_archived/pseuds/atharriordan_archived
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>January 1979. A Marauder becomes a father - but he has some worries. Thankfully his two brother's are there to put him straight.</p>
<p><i>Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was?<br/>Do you have to carry what they’ve handed down?</i><br/>- Matthew West, <i>Family Tree<i></i></i><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Sirius' Fears of Fatherhood

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2012 and posted on HPFF. Inspired by Matthew West's song 'Family Tree'.

A woman was in labour. Her layered hair was tied back, her loose fringe sticking to her now damp forehead. The woman looked to be in her late teens- early twenties, and right now, her Brown eyes were wide at the prospect of what was soon to come. Half-sitting next to the expectant mother, Remus Lupin held her hand reassuringly in his own; while on the woman’s other side her new sister-in-law, Rachel Riordan nee. MacEwan, used a cloth to wipe the young woman’s dampening forehead as she acted as midwife.   
  
“It won’t be long now, Shannon, don’t worry,” Rachel reassured her friend, to whom she sent a weak smile which Shannon Riordan returned as she tried to slow down her breathing in order to calm herself.   
  
Soon, Shannon began to push; her body was tense and her neck veins stood out in stark contrast to her slightly pale skin as she pushed on instruction as a new wave of contractions overcame her. After a while of repeating this process under the gentle guidance of both Rachel and Remus, however, a wave of exhaustion was beginning to overcome Shannon – forcing her to pause in her efforts and for her head to fall back so that it came to rest against Remus’ shoulder.   
  
Throughout the contractions – and even as he took on a share of Shannon’s weight- Remus continually rubbed his hand up-and-down her slightly shivering arm in a comforting manner; all the while cursing Sirius Black for not being here in his place. The wizard had sent his friend several messages, as Shannon’s labour had come on unexpectedly during his weekly visit, but no reply had come – even after he had resorted to sending a message to James Potter, who Sirius would undoubtedly be with as the pair were partners within the ranks of the Ministry of Magic’s Auror Department.   
  
“I Can’t... I can’t push anymore...” Shannon whispered, as she allowed herself to sag a little more against Remus – her head now nestled beneath her friend’s stubble chin as she squeezed his hand weakly.   
  
While Shannon would consider herself to be a strong person - being a future high priestess she had to be, - this prematurity of labour had caught the coven witch unawares and so all confidence in her readiness for childbirth had deserted her. It was at this moment, that Shannon wished her mother, McKenna – who was currently on her way back from a coven meeting a few towns over – was here. She would probably know exactly what to say – but she wasn’t here: Shannon’s two friends were. And at that moment, Shannon couldn’t help but thanking the Goddess for Remus’ calming presence beside her, and for Rachel’s natural leadership skills that allowed her to take control of the situation – and which made her a natural healer within the covens. Even if this was her first solo delivery.   
  
“You have to, Shannon,” Remus gently urged after sharing a look with Rachel. The baby’s head was fully crowned now, and the baby needed to be delivered soon otherwise both mother and baby could be put at risk. Watching the young woman lying against him with concerned brown eyes, that were at times tinted with Amber, the werewolf adopted a tone he had used on a few occasions against his Marauding school friends – just as the first signs of the next contraction became apparent. “You have to do it, now,”   
  
With her face flushed and contorted, and with the grip on Remus’ hand surprising even the werewolf, Shannon let out one, final, pain filled cry as she gave a final push. Rachel continued to speak soft reassurances throughout as Remus squeezed Shannon’s shoulder gently, and soon a new cry filled the quaint bedroom – from the newborn now being held by Rachel. In a smooth motion, Rachel quickly cut the umbilical cord, before scooping up the pink baby who she swathed in a clean, white blanket and looked her over to make sure that all was well.   
  
“Aww, Shannon you have a beautiful baby girl, “ Shannon cooed as she smiled. “Congratulations,”   
  
“Congratulations,” Remus murmured as she planted a kiss in Shannon’s damp hair.   
  
“Is.. Is she okay?” Shannon asked weakly, as Remus watched anxiously; a hint of childish curiosity showing on his youthful, scarred face.   
  
“She’s perfect, just perfect,” Rachel smiled. “She’s a little small, but she is a healthy weight for her size.” She reassured.   
  
“Oh good,” Shannon murmured as she allowed her head to slip down from Remus’ shoulder, and to his chest, as her strength finally waned. Remus offered the new mother a weak smile before planting a kiss in her dark hair as Shannon rested for a moment with eyes closed.   
  
The wizard had known Shannon for just over a year, and it was a testament to the trust that both Shannon and the coven had granted the softly spoken werewolf that he was able to help Shannon through her childbirth: especially when in Wizarding communities, Remus’ condition would have meant that he wouldn’t have been allowed to be near the delivery room to support his friend. It was one of the many differences Remus had noted when learning of the Coven’s existence, and one he still found himself questioning constantly due to his own insecurities surrounding his condition. The coven members saw Remus as a person – Just as James, Sirius, Lily, and Dumbledore did – rather than the monster he became once a month.   
  
Rachel looked up from the newborn and- unaware of Remus’ thoughts – upon seeing how exhausted her sister-in-law was, looked to the werewolf with a smile. “Would you like to hold her, Remus?”   
  
“I couldn’t,” Remus replied instantly, with an obvious look of uncertainty. But Shannon nudged him tiredly, as she opened her glazed brown eyes.   
  
“Yes you can,” she whispered. “You are her Godfather after all.”   
  
Remus’ brown eyes widened upon hearing the new mother’s statement.   
  
For Shannon’s part, she had given a lot of thought as to who she would name as godparents on her side; and to her, Remus and Rachel were the obvious choices. She knew that Sirius would undoubtedly choose James and Lily, but Shannon couldn’t think of anyone better to be a role model to her baby than the two friends who had helped her bring the little girl into the world.   
  
At Remus’ expression, the two women chuckled, as Rachel passed the little girl to Remus, who took the newborn with some hesitance before becoming captivated by her.   
  
She’s so light, he thought, as the wolf within immediately recognized the baby as a member of his pack – just as it felt a small mind brush lightly against its own. Remus was unaware of this action, however, but the wolf was not – as a wave of curiosity and warmth flooded its troubled mind, soothing it; full moon would be a little different this month, it thought.   
  
“She’s so beautiful,” Shannon whispered, as she weakly lifted her hand up to take her daughter’s own; the little girls fingers closing around her mother’s index finger instinctively, while Remus allowed a small smile to take over his features.   
  
Oh, Remus would ensure that Sirius would answer to his absence, but that would come later when McKenna arrived to take over mother-and-baby watch; something Rachel had firsthand experience of following the birth of her own daughter Skye, some time before.   
  
“Do you know what you’re going to call her?” Rachel asked softly.   
  
“Kara,” Shannon answered, looking between the two. “Her name is Kara.” 

* * *

Sirius Black was in a hurry.

After an anonymous tip-off to the Auror office shortly after Sirius and James had arrived, the two Marauders had been requested to join the raid (or Death Eater ambush) that had then been hastily pulled together – and had been lead by Alastair ‘Mad Eye’ Moody. As the war against Voldemort and his followers escalated, all hands were needed at short notice more and more; and so the Auror’s workload in particular had never been so high.

This was why the Marauder known to his friends as ‘Padfoot’ now kept to a quick pace, as he walked through a sleepy Gloucestershire town, toward a two storey cottage where Sirius could see Remus Lupin sitting on a bench; looking up at the clear and reasonably starry sky.

“Moony?” The wizard asked, somewhat out of breath after coming straight from the scene of the Raid.

After the Auror’s had successfully overcome the low-level ranking death eaters, and had confiscated the numerous dark items that had been circulating on the black market of late, all charms used to conceal the Auror strike team had been lifted- allowing a Wolf, and Doe, Patronus to reach the two men to let them know what had happened with Shannon earlier on in the day. James had then ushered his friend on his way upon hearing the news: offering to cover the last checks so that Sirius could return home. So now, Sirius stood at the small front gate, looking to his friend with tumultuous grey eyes.

Remus gave a small sigh, as he turned his brown eyes from the sky to meet tired grey orbs. “She’s okay, they both are.”

“Both? You mean?”

Remus nodded at his friend’s wide eyed look. “A little girl. Congratulations, Padfoot.”

Sirius seemed to stumble a little as he opened the gate wide before coming over to drop down with a thump on the small bench Remus was sitting on. When Shannon had told the Black heir that she was pregnant, Sirius had never truly believed that he would become a father at nineteen. However, despite all the months of preparation, the true realisation was only now beginning to sink in that this was actually happening.

Remus raised an eyebrow at his friends reaction, his built up frustration at Sirius being absent at the birth of his daughter now forgotten, as he watched his friend take the news in. Ever since the Marauder’s seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Sirius and Remus had both believed that it would be James who would become a father first. But as it turned out, through Remus introducing Shannon to Sirius, the dynamic had changed somewhat after Shannon had announced her pregnancy last Beltane.

“I’m a father,” Sirius breathed, as he raised his head from where it had been buried in shaky hands since he had sat down. All semblance of calm the animagus had hoped to gather as he took a moment to collect his thought, gone.

“Yes, you are. So what are you waiting for?” The werewolf prompted, causing Sirius to turn his face to his friend with confusion. “Why haven’t you gone in there yet?”

Sirius took a sharp intake of breath. “Shannon’s still awake?”

“She was about 5 minutes ago before I came out here. She’s waiting for you.” Remus replied. “Although hopefully little Kara has gone back to sleep under the ever watchful eyes of McKenna,” he added with a weak smile.

Shannon had been drifting in and out of sleep for most of the afternoon due to the potions she had taken for blood replenishment and pain relief, but she had wanted to stay awake for when Remus returned. Little Kara, who had slept for a good hour after her birth, had since then been awake and lively: much to Shannon’s grumblings.

“Her name’s Kara?” Sirius asked nervously. Remus nodded. “Shannon always said that if she had a daughter, she would call her Kara.”

“She’s your daughter as well,” Remus commented, thinking back to the baby girl’s refusal to sleep before McKenna had arrived. “She’s already showing that she’s inherited your stubborn genes.”

“What do I do?” Sirius seemed to ask, ignoring Remus’ attempt at lightening the mood. Padfoot turned to Moony. “I-I’m not ready for this.”

“None of us were,” Remus agreed gently. The pregnancy had been unexpected, but Sirius had stood by Shannon throughout her pregnancy. Now, however, it seemed that Sirius’ Gryffindor courage had failed him at the moment he should have been the most happy: Something that worried Remus.

“But you’re not alone. Shannon’s new to this also- And you both have people around you willing to help: McKenna, James, Lily, Rachel, Myself... and Peter if he doesn’t keep disappearing...”

Sirius shook his head unconsciously. “But what if I do something wrong, Remus? I’m okay for helping out with someone else’s kid. I expected to be the uncle who spoils his best friend’s kids rotten – I didn’t think I would be the one who becomes a father and has to grow up overnight. That’s not me.”

“Don’t let McKenna or James hear you say that, and Lily – Lily would hex you into next week if she heard you talking like that.”

Remus shuddered at the thought. Even after knowing Lily for years before she had married the leader of the Marauders, Remus was still afraid of Lily Potter’s fiery temper. This comment didn’t appear to help Sirius, who paled even more, and so Remus tried a different tact.

“Think of Kara as a chance to prove your family wrong; prove you can be a better man – a better father – than your own.”

Orion Black was a force to be reckoned with. His dealings within the Ministry of Magic involved putting money in the right people’s pockets; allowing him influence and the freedom to conduct some less-than-legal acts. Sirius had managed to escape all that; but at the cost of not only losing his family – but more importantly, his younger brother Regulas who was currently in the service of the Dark Lord even though he had yet to complete his studies.

“I don’t think I can,” Sirius whispered. Besides James, Remus was the only other person Sirius would admit such a weakness to.

“Of course you can,” A new voice answered, as Remus and Sirius looked up to see James Potter walking through the gate. Upon the reassurance that paperwork would be completed for Moody within the scheduled time, and after going to see Lily and let her know that everything was alright, James had come over to check in with his two friends and the new arrival.

“You’ll have us to help you,” James continued as he came to sit on Sirius’ other side, his cloak billowing slightly in his wake, before he wrapped it around himself unconsciously. He had guessed from the look on his friend’s face what was troubling him; he had seen it many times during their Hogwarts years.

“That’s what Moony said,” Sirius said quietly, while James and Remus exchanged a silent conversation with their eyes.

“And Mr. Moony is right,” James countered with a nod.

“You are not your father, Sirius,” Remus concurred.

“I know,” Sirius murmured quietly. James shook his head slightly at the lack of reaction.

“Come on then, Padfoot,” he said after a brief pause. “Time for you to go and meet the new Pup.”

Giving Sirius a healthy pat on the back, James and Remus stood up and took Sirius by both arms – hauling him to his feet.

“It’ll be okay, Padfoot, you’ll see.” Remus said, with a small smile, as he led the Marauding trio through the door, with James bringing up the rear; the stag animagus closing the door behind him as the three men stopped in the main hallway which had three doors leading off from it and a winding staircase that they stood in front of.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius turned his grey eyes toward the stairs that would take him to his girlfriend and daughter, before turning them back to his friends.

“We’ll be down here if you need us.” Remus said with a reassuring nod. James backed his friend’s promise with a reassuring smile as Sirius nodded before turning around and began to quietly climb the stairs.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Remus asked, as Sirius disappeared up to the second floor.

James gave his friend a small nod and a knowing smile. “I think so,”

* * *

Sirius kept his footsteps light on the stairs- his feet knowing where to skip a creaking step and to take the stairs two at a time. Slowing down, and with a hand still holding onto the banister firmly, Sirius paused as he planted both feet on the landing of the second floor and breathed deeply.

You can do this, Padfoot, he thought; just think of it as facing Mcgonagall after getting caught pranking snivellus.

Only, this wasn’t as simply as pranking your school enemy, Sirius noted soberly as his grey eyes found the slightly open door at the end of the hallway; soft light escaping through the gaps to hit a small table that cast shadows in the otherwise dark hall.

This was it – his future.

Sirius Black was now a father – and it was something he was going to have to get used to if he wanted to prove to himself, and those who doubted him, that he could be a better father to his newborn daughter, than Orion had been to him. The thought terrified the most boisterous of the Marauders, as – Remus and James had noted – his greatest fear was failing the girl and turning into a man Sirius swore to never become.

I am not my father, Sirius thought. I would never do to Shannon and Kara what he did to me, the wizard added with as much conviction as he could muster – as a flashback of white hot pain coursing through his veins arose behind his closed eyelids.

Steeling his nerves, and shaking away the memory, the curly haired Marauder moved deftly toward the light, slowly removing his outer cloak as he did so – holding it in a slightly trembling hand- as he swallowed before pushing open the door to be greeted with the tired face of his girlfriend.

Shannon offered the wizard a tired smile, as she looked up from the bundle that lay securely in her arms, after getting the feeling that she was being watched. Shannon’s brown hair was now tied back in a simple ponytail, and her eyes contained a light Sirius hadn’t really seen in them before. It was a childish curiosity that Sirius knew would become infectious the moment he stepped over to the bed he shared with the Coven Witch and saw the baby girl she held for the first time.

“Hi,” She whispered, after a few moments of silence, as Sirius stood watching the pair. The Animagus’ eyes held a discernible emotion as her soft voice pulled him from his thoughts; his lips curling into a ghost of a smile that appeared nervous.

“Hello,” Sirius nodded, as he kept his voice much softer than it would normally be. The Nineteen year old (nearly Twenty year old wizard) took slow steps around the room- that had become home to the disowned Black heir away from his Marauder family- and placed his cloak over a nearby chair as he came over to the bed where Shannon was settled into with Kara.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Sirius leant against the headboard, and planted a gentle kiss into Shannon’s hair.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, as he put his arm around the back of her shoulders and rubbed his hand up-and-down her bare arm – as Shannon moved her head so that it came to rest between the crook of Sirius’ neck and shoulder; her eyes glancing up to her partner, before returning her gaze to Kara.

“Just tired,” Shannon admitted as Sirius turned his gaze to the small bundle wrapped in a warm blanket against the slightly cool temperatures.

“Where’s Mckenna?” Sirius murmured, noticing for the first time the absence of Shannon’s mother.

“She’s sleeping in the guestroom. I told her I’d be okay watching Kara for a while.” Shannon explained as she carefully pushed the blanket aside to reveal a sleeping little girl, whose nosed wrinkled as she slept under her parent’s watchful gaze.

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat as he caught a glimpse of his new daughter for the first time. A new feeling seemed to grow in his chest as he took in Kara’s delicate features; transfixed by the small being he had helped to create.

“Would you like to hold her?”

Sirius looked into warm hazel eyes and nodded hesitantly.

"Here," Shannon said, as she gently passed Kara into her father's arms for the first time. "Watch her head," she coached gently at seeing Sirius' nervousness, as he marvelled at the weight of the newborn in his arms.

"There you go," she smiled, as Sirius righted his hold, before she slowly lowered herself down as a new wave of tiredness washed over her. Kara hadn't stirred during the exchange, much to Shannon's surprise; even though she was thankful for how mercifully calm the baby girl seemed to be.

Sirius turned to watch Shannon as her heavily eyelids began to close through the exhaustion of the day. “Do you need anything?” he asked.

“I’m okay,” Shannon murmured, as she allowed herself to finally relax. “Is Remus still here?”

“He’s downstairs with James.” Sirius confirmed as he returned his gaze to his daughter.

“Go and show off your new daughter.” Shannon yawned. “She’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius murmured.

Shannon nodded reassuringly. “She’s worn herself out,” the new mother said referring to the little one. “But I think she would want to see her Daddy when she wakes.”

“Alright,” Sirius nodded, before smiling. “Get some sleep. I’ll keep her safe.”

“I know you will,” Shannon said, her heavy eyelid’s blinking a few more times before closing as sleep overcame her.

Sirius watched Shannon for a few moments, bending slightly to plant a gently kiss in her brown hair, before getting up without shifting the bed too much. His darkened eyes alight with emotion as he watched the new mother fall into an easy sleep under his watchful gaze.

“Love you,” he murmured before he turned back to his sleeping daughter and planted a light kiss on the little girl’s forehead as he carefully made his way toward the stairs.

“Let’s introduce you to your uncles.” Sirius murmured; as he went back down to sit with his friends, who waited downstairs.

Yes he was still afraid – not only of fatherhood but also for his new family- but now that he was holding this living, breathing little girl in his arms, that fear for the moment was kept at bay.

* * *

  
[ fini. ]  



End file.
